“Trans, non-binary, and gender diverse people deserve affirming spaces for healing and rest.” Ok, you can probably agree with that. 

But how about this…

“You deserve to go on a yoga retreat.”

…Did I just make you cringe?

I see you out there, uplifting and donating to everyone’s mutual aid, bringing meals to friends post top surgery, but struggling to find even a LITTLE time and money for your own much needed self care.

Many trans and queer folks, especially those who hold other marginalized identities too, feel they don’t deserve something as “extravagantly” nourishing as attending a yoga retreat. They feel as though they don’t deserve investing time and money just on themselves, even on an experience that would deeply replenish their capacity, help them finally make important positive changes in their life, and nourish all the ways they are showing up.

Many of us carry a self-worth wound. This isn’t our fault. It makes sense in a society that shames queer folks, and tells trans people they are a problem, a burden, or worse, that they are not real. Combined with the pressure of productivity and capitalism, it’s common to feel that for every good thing we receive, even small bits of kindness, support, or help, creates a debt. 

We do not have to constantly give back in order to ‘deserve’ to exist.

Feeling this way keeps us vulnerable to overworking and running ourselves ragged. It depletes our bodies, relationships, and the causes we care about. It gives momentum to the wheel of capitalism, burn out, scarcity, and isolation. And it can make the practical steps towards even basic self care, much less going on a yoga retreat, feel overwhelming.

Yoga can be profoundly healing, but sadly many wellness spaces – much less retreats – are not welcoming to trans and gender nonconforming (GNC) people. In addition to basic access hurdles like cost, the pressure to assimilate, risk of overwhelming dysphoria, and the courage to explore getting present and actually IN your body are very real barriers, too. 

This is tragic, because for me and many of my students, practicing yoga’s embodiment and philosophy has been a primary source of strength, gender euphoria, and an essential lifeline in challenging times. As a trans yoga teacher with over 2 decades of experience, I can honestly say I’m not sure I’d be alive without yoga’s precious practices. 

I’ve seen trans and GNC experience huge benefits from yoga, especially when they attend an immersive experience like a queer and trans yoga retreat. I’ve witnessed how a retreat space that is actually safe, affirming, and full of care combined with deep healing practices empowers people. I’ve witnessed folks get sober, finally start HRT, apply for grad school, leave an abusive relationship, come out to their family, start their business, get a grant for a trans film project, and many more beautiful things. Yoga isn’t about fixing anything; we are not broken. But it does help people be, and love more fully, unapologetically who they are, which has huge ripple effects in their communities, and beyond. 

Would you ever want to attend a trans & queer yoga retreat? Here are five ways to break down avoidance, get past the cringe, and move toward experiencing your dream:

1. Act as if you are going. You don’t have to say: “I’m doing this,” but go through the steps as if you are. Get your passport. Regularly look at flight deals. Put it on your calendar. Arrange time off work.

2. Start gathering your resources. Set up an extra savings account or a hidden envelope with cash. Squirrel away a set amount each month towards attending a retreat. Try applying for a scholarship. (Yes, you deserve it just as much as anyone else!)

3. Ask others for support. Ask friends and family to contribute towards your retreat as their gift to you this year. Birthday gifts, graduation gifts, they-love-you-and-you-need-healing gifts. You’ll be amazed how much joy it brings others to give to you! Practice receiving without feeling like you have to give anything back, and trusting the Universe wants you here. This is part of yoga.

4. Get creative. You probably won’t find “go on a queer retreat” in any employee benefits package. But healthcare plans, employers, schools, and other institutions often offer support for preventative healthcare, continuing education, professional development, and more. What could be queerer than repurposing institutional policies to get the support you actually desire?

5. Say it out loud. When you’re ready, start talking about the trip out loud. Tell close friends who you think would support the idea. Talk to the retreat leaders. Get support in working through your fears and scarcity-mindset. You are not alone!

By the time folks make it to our retreats, they’ve almost all gone through some Underworld journey around their own self-worth to make it happen. This itself is a radical healing process. It’s a chance to clear outdated stories about self-worth and what’s possible.

Investing in your health and happiness is a brave stretch. Give yourself permission to untangle the inner knots, to relax and awaken to a deeper authentic expression of who you are. In doing so, you create space for that journey for everyone around you. We will affirm each other’s worth and wholeness when we gather together for play, healing, and joy!

It’s OK to want what you want. And if that includes going on a retreat, you are so worth the work it will take for you to get there.

You deserve every good thing available to you in this wild and heartbreaking world. Opening to receive can be a practice, and like any new strength, we build our ability to soften, relax, and receive care and support little by little. May you be affirmed on your path of unconditional worthiness. Existence truly would not be complete without you here. 

Thank you for reading the GenWell blog. You can read more about our services here. If you or a loved one is struggling on the journey with gender identity, we ask you to reach out via our contact form or call our office at (818) 855-1105. We are fully committed to supporting your gender wellness.