Getting to Know Our Team Member:
When She Came to Know Grace

From the outset, Grace O’Connor, MA, AMFT has been a truly delightful addition to the Gender Wellness of LA’s team. Aside from being one the most positive, upbeat, and pleasant people to be around, she has added value to our practice by leading with what she has learned as a Transgender-identified person and bringing it into the relationships with her clients to build bonds of trust, security and ultimately healing. In her own words, we present a little bit of her transition story.

I started to medically transition in 2016 after spending most of 2015 coming out to myself and others and beginning the challenging job of socially transitioning. I think the social transition can be as challenging a transition as there is for a Transgender person. I had been presenting as male my whole life and that male persona was deeply ingrained and I had not given myself much room to explore my gender. For me it was a mater of locking down most aspects of my femininity if I couldn’t have all of them. I look back on it now and it’s exactly what I needed to do to survive until I could find the courage to face myself.

I knew for a fact I was Transgender in 2005 but I did not have the tools to deal with it at that time. I went into therapy in 2005 and began doing some really deep work on myself. It took me another 10 years until I could really face the fact that “Grace” wasn’t just a weekend thing — that fundamental change was going to be required. That’s when I found a therapist who specialized in Transgender identity and began the first part of my journey which was presenting more femininely in public.

It was the toughest thing I have ever done in my life — and nothing else comes close — transitioning after presenting for your whole life as male. I remember going to my first Transgender support group at the LGBT Center and feeling terrified. It was really hard for me to ask others in the group to refer to me as Grace, with She/her/hers pronouns, when I was still largely presenting as male. That group and the fellowship we created was the thing that got me through those first couple of years. Every week I could explore a little bit more. All the while gaining information on myself, transitioning and the options available to me as a Transgender human.

I think every Transgender person’s experience is unique. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing there is only one Trans narrative, but that has not been my experience. I thought I was ready in the early part of 2016 to begin taking hormones. I don’t remember if I was working at that time, but I know I was on MediCal. St. John’s Wellness Center accepted MediCal, and through a referral by my therapist, I made my appointment with Lyle “Cac” Cook at St. John’s. St. John’s was fantastic. If I could impart one thing to any facility that purports to serve the Transgender community it would be getting the name and gender pronouns of their client’s right.

I will always be grateful to St. John’s Wellness Center for providing me with supportive and affirming care. It really was the first part of my journey and one that I will cherish forever. My journey continued through the years from the LA LGBT Center and UCLA to Cedar Sinai and Kaiser Permanente. I look forward to sharing more of my story in future blog posts.